Pithy Analogies/similes/adjectival phrases:

…like someone who’d rather be ironically reading a beaten RA Salvatore paperback…
…the kind of person who puts mayonnaise on French fries and won’t shut up about it…
…like a wounded panther finally getting to eat the hunter’s orphan child…
…with the agility of a triple chinned Southerner in a WWE t-shirt…
…like an elderly person repeatedly stepping on the power cord and wondering why the computer won’t work…
…like someone who keeps telling you the phone number far quicker than you could write it down…
…like someone who keeps getting annoyed that they’re mumbling and you can’t understand them…
…like Macaulay Caulkin in the Page Master, too terrified to try anything new, yet too lonely to leave Horror behind…
…like a pudgy four year old struggling to open a heavy door…
…projecting like a grad student trying to analyse Charles Dodgson and Alice Liddell’s relationship…
…with all the emotional heft of John Goodman discovering concrete to kill Kyle McLaughlin…
…much like trying to fart through a diarrea filled colon without soiling one’s pants…
…much like a fellow who actually has an opinion on the American Heritage dictionary…

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About spoilersbelow

A librarian with a few typewriters.
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2 Responses to Pithy Analogies/similes/adjectival phrases:

  1. Hahaha I’m smiling like a guy who’s heard some good similes.

    …and now I’m frowning like a guy who’s said a lousy pun.

  2. wildflowerfever says:

    My favorite is #2 because I immediately thought of several people I know…

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